If you're the one who always has to start the conversation, steer it, and keep it calm, you're doing two jobs at once: managing the talk and having it. The fix isn't talking more. It's structure that shares the load.
A fixed slot, same time every week, with the same three questions, means the conversation no longer depends on you raising it. He knows it's coming, what it covers, and that it runs both ways. "I didn't know it was bothering you" stops being available.
"I want fifteen minutes a week for us, same three questions every time, both directions. Not a complaints session, a habit." Said once, in a good moment, that lands far better than the same request made mid-argument for the tenth time.
Pick the one thing that mattered most this week and name it precisely: "Tuesday, when the plan changed and I found out last," not "you never think of me." Specific lands. Global starts a defense. And when he owns his one thing, let it stand without adding the rest of the list.
Log your days as you go and the pattern arrives at the check-in with you: which areas held, which slid, how long it's really been. You're not asked to prove your own memory anymore. The record carries that weight, so you don't have to.
You should not have to carry both the feeling and the fixing. Ask him to hold one end.
Read the other sides: his side · the shared version
Disclaimer: Personal perspectives only, plain old-fashioned thinking about what keeps people together, not professional advice and not endorsed by any organization; if anything at home feels unsafe, please talk to someone you trust.